Of all the toys that he own, his current prized possession would be this battered tin can. Wrecked with lines and dents all around it, this tin does not look much.
But during these holiday afternoons, it has been his source of pride and joy when he was left to his own devices while sister was at school.
Placing this can on top of the tv console or atop another toy, he shoots at it with his nerf gun and the few trusty bullets that he owns. Sweating with determination and perseverance, he uses this can as his target practice honing his accuracy over the days, until he is able to hit the can down several times in succession.
While the sound of the metal can rattling noisily onto the floor may grate on a few nerves, each accurate shot that knocks the can off its spot is music to his ears.
To onlookers, it may not seem to mean much - just a boy playing with a toy gun. But as I witnessed that shy, happy smile or the whoop of excitement that he gives with each successful shot, I reflect and remembered a line that I had read from the biography of Temple Grandin, an author who too has autism.
I am what I think and do, more than what I feel.
Reading her words often gave me an insight to S's mind and understand a bit more on how his brain thinks.
Not doing well in his recent exams has caused S to be split from the majority of his current classmates to (probably) the last class of his level next year. And while I worry down a host of problems, about his new classmates, new teachers and environment, whether the bullying cycle will start again, whether he will be able to find, make and keep new friends, I take solace in her words that these worries probably do not mean much to him.
What matters instead is what he thinks he can achieve, instead of how I think he feels. In this instance, every knock down he manages is a boost to his self confidence and ability. Be it a chance success or a good aiming, he is evidently extremely pleased with his achievement.
While I do not hold high hopes for him academically, I do hope that S will never stop having this tenacious attitude of achieving and believing that he can, soaring to greater heights to fulfil his aspirations no matter how small they may seem.
En garde my boy!
Towards Primary Three.
