School's out and we survived!

School holidays were once deemed as a period of avoidance. Whenever the hols hit, I'd avoid the malls, restaurants, libraries, holidays, toilets, swimming pools, cinemas, and everywhere else that would have been saturated with noisy, rowdy children.

Once again, the March holidays descends upon us, releasing its hoards of children into the many places I'd mentioned earlier on. This time however, there was to be no escaping the crowds since darling S has newly joined the hoard of schooling kids island wide.

More importantly, this first term hols also marks another very important milestone - S successfully completing his first term of school! Ahem, make that our first term of school.

Time has passed by rather quickly while we were preoccupied with adjusting to life in school (for S), as well as managing life with kids in school. And with L enrolled into full day at a new childcare during the same period, there was certainly a lot for us to juggle.

As I reflect on the events that we ploughed through during this term, I realised that although the process had been one of blind groping and haphazard manoeuvring, ultimately I survived the new environment and role that was thrust onto me.

Being a parent to a primary schooler is very much different than to a preschooler. There was just so much to process and take in, in the new system. In addition, much patience was also required in guiding S around his learning difficulties during homework.

Looking back, the term definitely passed with several hiccups. There were ups and downs, and moments of pleasant suprises and frustrations.

Starting right from the beginning when S first brought home his spelling list, but wasn't able to tell me when his spelling was. "When is your spelling?" I'd ask. "I don't know" he'd reply me everytime.

It was especially exasperating in that kind of way because relating and explaining events were difficulties he constantly struggled with, much less tell me about the going-ons in school. And being a 'fresh' mom, I hadn't thought to trawl through the school website for answers.

I had waited for a few days checking through his bag every evening (and finding nothing), before deciding to contact the teacher. She informed me that the dates would have been indicated in the school diary.

Which brought us to our second hurdle. He didn't have the school diary. And he didn't tell me about missing the book. In the end, I had to get the teacher to help purchase the book while I paid her through S's wallet.

I said 'through' because since S hadn't quite grapsed the concept of money yet, the teacher had to take the money from his wallet herself.

Although S's concept of money wasn't up to par yet, we were thankful for him to have a helpful buddy who guided him during recess the first few weeks. Trouble began once the buddy-system stopped.

On the first day that he was buddy-less, my boy bought a packet of milo. And then, (this is through my own assumptions because there was no way I could verify it from him) because he couldn't register that he was still able to buy another meal, he didn't have any food for a solid 8hrs! Needless to say, he was starved by the time he reached home for lunch!

Then, there was this other time I got a huge scare when the school contacted me to inform of his 'little accident' of cutting himself while 'preparing fruit salad with a blunt knife'. I came home later to discover that although the cut was pretty deep, thankfully there wasn't much blood. Heartpain, yes. But it was a lesson for him to learn in handling knives in future. He now knows that knives are to be handled 'with care.'

And yet another time when the p.e teacher called to inform of his bloody tooth. (It turned out that his milk tooth was dropping off.) To add on, there were several times after that when I would belatedly realise him missing a tooth or two. Obviously those milk teeth had somehow fallen off in school, but in his own 'independent' way, he didn't 'feel' the need to share these incidences with us. He would reply me nonchalantly when I queried later on, that he 'plucked it out' and threw it 'into the dustbin'. Like 'huh', the tooth fairy certainly didn't have a spot of existence in my boy's life.

But for all the hiccups that happened, there were moments when pride and hope lit up the otherwise monotonous schooling life. Like the time he scored full marks for 听写, the wushu moves he proudly shows us, feedbacks of improvements from his teachers, and above of all, watching him increasingly manage his homework, with only little guidance given.

I'm not sure how he would fare for second term, but I think we did a pretty good start. He survived, and we survived. And what matters is the journey we took together to arrive at this milestone. I am sure that the experiences gained during this term would pave for a smoother way in the terms to come.

And so, I've been indoctrinated into the ranks of parents with schooling kids, and now welcome term breaks with open arms.

Enjoy your holidays, dear children. You certainly deserve it as much as us parents do.

E-Rivalry

My four year old girl has been very fond of asking me about my emotions of late.

"Mommy, are you happy? Or sad?" She'll ask.
"I'm okay," I tell her. "Maybe a little tired" I add, especially if her bright-eyed questions catch me early in the morning and I'm still struggling to totally shake off sleepiness. 

"Nooo.. I don't want you to be tired (or angry, depending on my response). I want you to be happy." And I'd tease her by replying that I will be happy as long as she is a good girl and behaves herself well.

Then one morning, after reading a newspaper article (titled Children's new rival sibling: Parents' digital devices), it dawned on me that despite me telling the kids to be 'good', I haven't been a 'good' mother myself.

In short, the article writes about how parents are often overly focused on our devices, 'swiping and typing away' until we neglect our kids, causing the children to 'feel hurt by the lack of attention'. It likens the situation to a sibling rivalry; with an electronic imaginery sibling vying for our attentions. 

How many times have I ignored the kids for the beep of my phone, an 'interesting' youtube clip, an 'important' watsapp chat, or that 'last' game of farm heroes saga, that isn't considered last unless all 5 lives have been used up? 

I'm not proud to admit that those times have been more than I can count, more than I can remember, and much more than I would have liked.

How many times have I told her to wait while I busied myself with the beeps and swipes of her electronic 'sibling' while she, in all her eager excited impatience to show me the new move she had learnt in school, had to repeatedly call out for my attention.

"MOMMY! LOOK AT ME!!" She'd say again and again until I finally put down my phone and gave her my due attention. She would make sure that I really looked, not glance at her, before she began her 'performance'.

Whether it was a new song, new dance moves or belting out Disney's Frozen 'Let it go' unabashedly in her off-tune childlike voice, she would perform in such glorious gusto, in as best and as proud as a 4 yo pre-schooler ever could.

However, in my (at-times) blind obssession with my phone, many such delightful performances have been regretfully missed. Afterall, I'm aware that she wouldn't be forever this eager beaver 'singing' for me.

Times like this would not last long. Soon, my little girl would grow up a little more, growing more shy as awkward consciousness sets in.

Then, slowly but surely, those hair-tearing teenage years will roll in and before too long, she would have grown up into a woman of her own. And if I am not careful, I would let her last performance slip by unnoticed, and forever miss the chance for an encore.

How many of such endearing performances have I already missed during those times when I had subconsciously placed my attentions on the mobile phone instead of them? How many more of such opportunities will I have before she outgrows this adorable stage of hers? Before growing up takes it all away, I hope to be able to be her number one fan.

So, devices that can be easily done away and replaced with just a drop of my hand, versus these precious little irreplaceable beings. 

It is actually very simple.

There really shouldn't be any rivalry at all because there is simply no comparison. 

Period.

As parents, we weld enormous 'power' over our kids, being able to solely influence their emotions with just one word, one hug or one callous disregard to their feelings. Yet despite having this knowledge, there have been many instances when I had been overly occupied with my phone, leaving my children feeling neglected.

It isn't easy to be always in tune with such 'powers' and to remember to tread with care around their emotions because if we aren't careful with our actions or words, we could easily break their little hearts and fill their eyes with tears of sadness and disappointments. 

I will have to make more conscious efforts in being less obsessed with my phone, reducing the (dizzying array of) distractions it provides. So that whenever I spend time with the kids (or husband for that matter), I will choose to focus my attentions on them, because they are the ones that really, really matter.

A few nights later, I was treated to another of her performance where she sang 'I'm a little teapot' (complete with arms like a handle and a spout), followed by 'hickory dickory dock' (with hands that ticked along like a clock), and her grand finale of 'Let it go' sang in repeat mode.

I sat there with my phone tucked far away, my attention undivided, and my heart filled to the brim with eager anticipation. I lapped up all of her animated performance and clapped as loudly as I could when she bowed and said her 'thank yous'. The big wide grin that broke out on her face afterwards said it all.

I haven't properly answered her question yet. 

"I am happy whenever you are happy."