E-Rivalry

My four year old girl has been very fond of asking me about my emotions of late.

"Mommy, are you happy? Or sad?" She'll ask.
"I'm okay," I tell her. "Maybe a little tired" I add, especially if her bright-eyed questions catch me early in the morning and I'm still struggling to totally shake off sleepiness. 

"Nooo.. I don't want you to be tired (or angry, depending on my response). I want you to be happy." And I'd tease her by replying that I will be happy as long as she is a good girl and behaves herself well.

Then one morning, after reading a newspaper article (titled Children's new rival sibling: Parents' digital devices), it dawned on me that despite me telling the kids to be 'good', I haven't been a 'good' mother myself.

In short, the article writes about how parents are often overly focused on our devices, 'swiping and typing away' until we neglect our kids, causing the children to 'feel hurt by the lack of attention'. It likens the situation to a sibling rivalry; with an electronic imaginery sibling vying for our attentions. 

How many times have I ignored the kids for the beep of my phone, an 'interesting' youtube clip, an 'important' watsapp chat, or that 'last' game of farm heroes saga, that isn't considered last unless all 5 lives have been used up? 

I'm not proud to admit that those times have been more than I can count, more than I can remember, and much more than I would have liked.

How many times have I told her to wait while I busied myself with the beeps and swipes of her electronic 'sibling' while she, in all her eager excited impatience to show me the new move she had learnt in school, had to repeatedly call out for my attention.

"MOMMY! LOOK AT ME!!" She'd say again and again until I finally put down my phone and gave her my due attention. She would make sure that I really looked, not glance at her, before she began her 'performance'.

Whether it was a new song, new dance moves or belting out Disney's Frozen 'Let it go' unabashedly in her off-tune childlike voice, she would perform in such glorious gusto, in as best and as proud as a 4 yo pre-schooler ever could.

However, in my (at-times) blind obssession with my phone, many such delightful performances have been regretfully missed. Afterall, I'm aware that she wouldn't be forever this eager beaver 'singing' for me.

Times like this would not last long. Soon, my little girl would grow up a little more, growing more shy as awkward consciousness sets in.

Then, slowly but surely, those hair-tearing teenage years will roll in and before too long, she would have grown up into a woman of her own. And if I am not careful, I would let her last performance slip by unnoticed, and forever miss the chance for an encore.

How many of such endearing performances have I already missed during those times when I had subconsciously placed my attentions on the mobile phone instead of them? How many more of such opportunities will I have before she outgrows this adorable stage of hers? Before growing up takes it all away, I hope to be able to be her number one fan.

So, devices that can be easily done away and replaced with just a drop of my hand, versus these precious little irreplaceable beings. 

It is actually very simple.

There really shouldn't be any rivalry at all because there is simply no comparison. 

Period.

As parents, we weld enormous 'power' over our kids, being able to solely influence their emotions with just one word, one hug or one callous disregard to their feelings. Yet despite having this knowledge, there have been many instances when I had been overly occupied with my phone, leaving my children feeling neglected.

It isn't easy to be always in tune with such 'powers' and to remember to tread with care around their emotions because if we aren't careful with our actions or words, we could easily break their little hearts and fill their eyes with tears of sadness and disappointments. 

I will have to make more conscious efforts in being less obsessed with my phone, reducing the (dizzying array of) distractions it provides. So that whenever I spend time with the kids (or husband for that matter), I will choose to focus my attentions on them, because they are the ones that really, really matter.

A few nights later, I was treated to another of her performance where she sang 'I'm a little teapot' (complete with arms like a handle and a spout), followed by 'hickory dickory dock' (with hands that ticked along like a clock), and her grand finale of 'Let it go' sang in repeat mode.

I sat there with my phone tucked far away, my attention undivided, and my heart filled to the brim with eager anticipation. I lapped up all of her animated performance and clapped as loudly as I could when she bowed and said her 'thank yous'. The big wide grin that broke out on her face afterwards said it all.

I haven't properly answered her question yet. 

"I am happy whenever you are happy."