In Loving memory of Pa

Another piece brought over from my now defunct blog.

May 23 ’06

The time has come for you to rest,
In Peace, a place in Heavens.
The day you took your very last breath,
I won't forget what happened.
Neither will forget
All that you've ever taught,
I’ll keep your words close to my heart
For always they shall belong.
I will cherish the moments spent together
In the sweetest memories and most beautiful songs.

I never wished to let you go
But life's like that it seems
You left us for another world
Suddenly time it seemed to cease
But life goes on, the sun still shines
Everything carries on like yesterdays.
Even though you are no longer here
In my Heart, a special place you will always stay.

 
Losing someone you love is always a hard thing to bear. Words can only barely describe the pain and anguish of the fact that the someone you love has gone and is never going to come back. That you are never ever going to see that someone, touch, speak or even laugh with them again.

Sympathetic and kind words can never distinguish the raw pain of the loss.

I once read somewhere, that the ones we love are always taken away from us too soon and the ones that are not important, never goes away.

How true.

But for all that has happened, the main lesson I learned is to cherish the ones still around you and never to take them for granted. And the one important thing to remember is to appreciate with good knowing, the present moment we all have now.

Now.
Not yesterday.
Not tomorrow.
Not later.

If you feel like going to that somewhere, do go. Why wait till tomorrow? You might not have the chance.

If you feel like wearing that special perfume, spritz it. Why wait for a 'special' occasion? The present moment is special enough as it is.

If you feel like mending some broken bridges, pick up the phone and call the intended person to apologise. Either party might not have a tomorrow or another day.

If you feel like telling that special someone 'I love you's, tell it to that person straight away.

Don't wait for regrets to even happen, then regret not doing it. The present moment passes in the blink of an eye and is gone. Never will the moment happen again.

My Dad had this pair of shoes that he never could bear to wear. He stored it lovingly in the original shoebox, tucked away in his cupboard. He was probably waiting for an appropriate special ocassion to put it on. And the special ocassion that he next wore these shoes were for his funeral. With a heavy heart, we retrieved this special shoes for him to wear for his last walk.

And it is with heavy hearts that my Mom, sis and me carry as we go through his possessions, packing them, deciding what to throw and what to keep.

I wish with all my heart that my Dad was still here with us, talking to us, fingering his knick-knacks and eating his favourite foods. But we all know the harsh reality that he has left us and we are never going to see him again. In this lifetime, and with his absence, I take comfort in knowing that I tried my every best to make him comfortable and happy, and that I was as best and as filial a daughter I could be to him.

My Dad chose to be cremated after his death. So in respecting his wishes, we cremated him. After when we were to collect his ashes, I literally saw a life person reduced to only a small box of bones and ashes. And it really struck home. No matter how much riches a person had in his lifetime, he could never bring it with him after death. No matter how posh a home he once stayed in, he could never have it back. No matter how pretty a person was, or how many nice clothings they once had, everything will just be reduced to bones and ashes. Just that and nothing else. We are born with nothing, and we leave with nothing.

I will forever miss my Dad with all my heart and soul. The only consolation I have is of the memories I have of him. The teachings he imparted and the life skills he taught, I will never forget. Stored deep in my heart, mind and soul, these lifetime teachings imparted from Father to daughter will always be in me.

My Dad was a person of patience and generosity in his life. He was also ever willing to lend a helping hand, always volunteering to help with this or that. In contracting this illness, it made him see things in a different perspective. He never took things to heart and was always willing to let things go by. He valued harmony above all things. And although he was a man of little words, I know he loved us very much.

In his absence, I shall strive to emulate him in the many life attributes and perspectives that he viewed. And most importantly, I learn to remember to cherish the ones we still have around. Pa may be gone. But I still have Mommy. I will constantly remind myself that I still have her and to cherish her.

In all honesty, the last few months we had with Pa were very intense and difficult. Looking back, I have much difficulty in remembering those days when he was strong and healthy. All the memories I have of him are when he was skinny and sick. But even in his sickness, he always was a cheerful and cheeky man. Still willing to help in whatever way he could, taking life lightheartedly, never giving up and fighting the illness with all his strength till his very last breath.

In mourning of his loss, I tell myself that he no longer has to feel pain anymore. That he is now free in spirit, unbound from his weak body and burdens. The other memories I'm sure, will trickle back in bits slowly. In meantime and always, I shall remember him in the little ways and everyday habits he charmed our lives with.

Only the person living, has the power to change things. To finish uncompleted tasks. The person who has passed on will forever be gone. Leaving those behind with memories to help them cope with the loss and to move on, to carry on living life.

In loving memory of my Pa...
I will miss you always.

To all Fathers out there,
Do not think for One moment that You are second best in your Child’s Hearts.
For You will always be their Guiding Light in their moments of Darkness.
Just as Mine was to Me.