His Last Birthday..

It was his birthday today.

She had pondered over what to get for him before deciding against it. How she loved him. How much she wished to celebrate his birthday once again. To buy him a cake and a gift, light up the candles and then sing him the birthday song. Every birthday in the recent past years had been special and happy, and somewhat bittersweet.

Until this year.
There was nothing happy about this birthday.

With great care, she lit the long red candles and put them in place before the wax dripped onto her hands. Then, together with the joss papers, a bowl of Mee Sua and his favourite fruits, she arranged the items neatly in front of him at the Columbarium.

Lastly, she lit three incense and waited for the fire to smolder out, dazedly watching the wisps of smoke spiral upwards. He would have been fifty five today if Leukemia hadn't taken her Dad away four months ago.

Upon setting the incense sticks in place, she then sat down and wept.  How much she missed her Pa. How much she would have loved to celebrate his birthday with him once again. To sing him a birthday song and watch him make a birthday wish before blowing out the candles. Then watch him cut the cake and open the present she bought.

Every year since she was a little girl, she would organize something to celebrate his birthdays. Be it a cake and present, or a dinner out someplace he liked, she never forgot. Because of his illness and its unpredictable condition, his birthdays in recent years had been even more special and cherished as she knew that every another birthday meant that she had been blessed with an extra year with him. And she treasured every single moment there had been to grasp.

For this year's birthday, all she could offer for ‘presents' were the stacks of gold and silver joss papers and the incense sticks as candles. ‘Celebrating' his birthday had taken on an entirely different meaning this time. Tradition bound, today she was tasked for this new purpose.

This birthday would be his last birthday she would celebrate for him - she told him, as she made out the words silently in her heavy heart. Henceforth, only his death anniversary will be remembered. Why celebrate the birth day of him when he had already died? The day that her Pa left for another world would be the new date to remember.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A time for Laughter, a time for tears.
A time to remember, a time to hold dear.
A time to stay, another time to go.
Even after you left, my heart still mourns.
You lived your life, all 55 years,
But will always be remembered and missed in tears.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was once, not too long ago, she could chat with her Pa and laugh with him. Tell him about her work and listen to him tell her about his thoughts and opinions. They enjoyed slow walks together after dinner, strolling through the neighborhood. She remembered the sound of his voice when he was talking about how he spent the day and how it felt to hold his arm while walking beside him.Now, all she could hold on to, were these precious memories etched deeply in her heart.

And all she could talk to, were his ashes kept in the urn behind the marble block that separated them.

In reality, more than just a marble wall stood between them. They now belonged to different realms. She could still visit him, talk to him, and tell him about her day. But this time onwards, there would be no replies or laughters from him.There would only be silence.

You would have been fifty five today.
Happy last birthday, Pa.

Dated 4th September 2006Written with a lot, a lot of love & misses for you.Daughter Hui~