Backdate 20th October 2013
Some have said that Friends are an integral part of our lives, and I couldn't agree more on that. My gal pals have often provided me with emotional support and encouragements that only they could give, (some topics are truly, only exclusive between us girls).
We enjoy doing bizarre girly stuffs together like visiting the loo, facials, gossiping endlessly on just about anything, the ability to immediately empathize each other's difficulties without the need for any elaboration, sharing our deepest and most embarrassing moments whilst meeting up for 3 hour long dinners, and the list goes on. We have lent each other our spirits, shoulders, eyes and ears whenever and wherever necessary throughout our most emo-moments to the highest points in our lives. I'm not too sure how male buddies bond, but I am sure it doesn't differ much.
Because I believe that friends are such an important part in my life, I believed the same for my kids as well.
The other day, I attended Sean's classmate's birthday party with him. To be honest, all I wanted to do was to stay at home and laze around letting him and sister run amok in the house. That way, I wouldn't need to mingle with the rest of the parents that I knew none of. But I had thought that it would be fun for him to attend the party with his friends. Besides, it would do him good to expose him to more social situations in light of him attending Primary school next year. To top it off, the party was just downstairs. My conscience couldn't live with me being lazy and staying at home while he missed out on all the fun. 'He would have a great time!' I had thought. And so, with the birthday presents and an awkward heart in tow, I brought the excited boy downstairs.
But I was mistaken.
All those thoughts that I had been thinking of earlier? They were only wishful thinking on my part. When I brought him to the party, I came to realize that the reactions his friends gave him were aloof and distant at best. I had the intention for him to mingle and play with his classmates at the party, but I saw then that no one wanted to play with him. When he talked, no one listened. And when they were queuing up to play games, his classmates cut his queue disregarding him even though he was standing just in front. The reality shocked me. I was appalled, dismayed, disheartened, and above all, I was heartbroken. It was a 'wake up' moment for me then.
I never had the opportunity to observe Sean during class settings, but I had always thought that I already knew that he wouldn't be a typical, average child in the ways that he thinks and acts. I thought that I would understand even if he was considered some sort of an oddball on certain occasions. I had thought that he would get by. But not once had I imagined that he would get ostracized. Why do kids have to be so cruel in their own innocent ways? They ignored him, cut his queue and treated as if he was invisible. All the while, Sean looked on quietly, not voicing out at having his queue cut. Maybe he wasn't even aware.
My heart cried for him. For his lack in social skills, for being ignorant of himself being ignored, for the friends that he didn't have, and for the friendships that he couldn't keep. It seems to me that this boy of mine had no friends in school. And for the first time in my life, I was brought to my senses.
While it is common knowledge that autistic children often 'live in their own world', firsthand seeing him being the loner in class broke my heart. Did they not see his friendliness, his good-natured zeal, his gentle character, his winning smile, his earnest efforts? In a disbelieving lie, I asked myself why they could not.
Would he never have friends? Would he never fit into society? While I understand that these kids were just being the way that they are, it doesn't lessen the stabbing pain I felt for him.
Years ago, I already knew that Sean wouldn't fit into normal social settings like a correct piece of jigsaw puzzle, but I guess I never quite made myself believe it. There is so much more that I had to do. I had to stop living in my bubble and start researching on how I could help him make and keep friends.
At the same time, I also had to educate him that while having friends are great, it is okay to be alone at times. I myself, needed to steer my mentality along that same line. I needed to re-adjust my expectations and start all over again.
That night when I tucked him to sleep, I looked into those bright eyes of my darling boy and felt a renewed determination. However the chips may fall in his life, he will always have us around. And when I hugged him goodnight, I held him tightly in my arms, filling him with as much fierce determination as I could muster. You are my boy, and that is all that matters.
Although there are some things that a Mother would never be able to replace as a friend, I hope that even as you grow older, you will never forget that you can always turn to me to share your joys and troubles. I will always be here to lend you my spirits, shoulders, eyes and ears
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