Backdate 31st August 2013
Tonight, he began his systematic routine like an inspection officer, running his observant gaze down the hall and living room. Minor adjustments were made here and there on everything - toys, tricycles, books, magazines, until they were neatly arranged. After being satisfied at how the living room was, he progressed down the hallway for the rooms.
Starting with my room first, he arranged the pillows neatly side by side and made sure my stuffed monkey sat straightly in the centre between them. He also cleared the floor. Magazines and small items that were strewn earlier by sister were put back on the shelf. And then, in his best small-boy capability, he would straighten my heavy blanket smoothing them down before moving on to his room. Taking great care in arranging the toys in a straight line on the ledge, he would patiently arrange his little Lego characters standing up. And no matter how many times the fan blew those little men down, he would pick them up and place them standing up again. Tonight for some reason, he also saw the need to put a kungfu kicking male figurine beside sister's princess, aligning them side by side in front of the castle. Not exactly Prince Charming for Snow White, but it was his call.
My son is a little neat freak. While that may sound like music to the ears to some parents, it isn't exactly something to be jumping for joy to me. At times like this, he would painstakingly arrange things in such meticulous order that doesn't make sense to any of us, yet making a world of sense to him.
Rigidity is a common trait of autistic children. When the mood strikes, he will have this compulsion to arrange everything in straight order. I'm not sure of the reason, but it normally strikes just before bedtime. And when it strikes, it takes a lot of patience to just stand there and let him do his 'thing', or spending another lot of effort in 'distracting' him.
It would have been a lovely 'wanted' behavior had we all not been waiting around for him to get his routine moving along. This arranging process went on for close to an hour. He would get really frustrated if I interrupted the process or if I told him that certain items didn't need straightening up. In that little Book-of-Routines programmed in his mind, he HAD to finish doing it. And that meant absolutely NO progression to the 'teeth brushing' stage until the arranging was complete.
And it didn't help that when he was finally, Finally, FINALLY satisfied with his arrangements, the Antagonizer aka sister had to come along and ride the tricycle out of his preassigned lot. Naturally, it got him riled up and it was yet another ten minutes of frustrations and tears, complaining and cajoling later that peace was resumed.
This little behavior is one example of many that he displays. There are many other quirky behaviors, like the fear of wearing sleeveless or the need to button shirts all the way up to the neck irregardless of the weather, that we cannot explain or understand. To be honest, at times his behaviors exasperate me. Many times I would catch my temper surging and I would have to tamp it down before it morphs me into that dreaded Momzilla.
But when I remember that this is the same sweet boy who never fails to give me a big welcome hug when I come home from work, the one who saves cookies that he made in school specially for me, the one who still wants to hold my hand, and the one who says 'Mommy, I love you' every night, I understand that this sweet rigid boy is just being the way that he is.
The journey with him to bridging the gap to mainstream behavior will be set with many ups and downs like a roller coaster ride. I am not an adrenalin junkie. I am not a fan of heights and fear the feel of free fall that comes along with it. But I will be there sitting beside him on that ride.
Motherhood is definitely not for the weak hearted. I confess that I am not strong physically or mentally, but by the experiences together, it will make me a stronger Mom for him.
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